Marketing gobbledygook that will make you squirm

09 Nov

Posted by: Bryan in: Humor, Twitter, Worst practices

I was strolling through the trade-show floor at Fall VON last week when I happened upon one company touting the following:

[Company X]’s standardization leadership and innovative solutions empower the quad-play development community with future proof solutions.

Yuck.

I suddenly had the urge to ask the company’s booth rep, “Sorry, what the [bleep] is it that you actually do?” (I didn’t — I decided to be polite.)

I can’t stand marketing gobbledygook like this, in large part because it doesn’t really tell me anything about the business, product, or service.

And yet, this language fills not only trade-show floors, but corporate websites, press releases, and print brochures as well — meaning it that actually still works at some level.

I know you most of you don’t like bloated corporate-speak, either. So why are we still using it?

A few weeks ago, after noting I had given a colleague some good-natured ribbing over her use of the word “bandwith,” I posed the following question to my Twitter pals:

OK, folks, I’m taking all your confessions and gripes on corporate-speak today. Which words/expressions really make you squirm?

Here are the responses:

prblog @bryper - out of the box, strategize, blue sky, 30K foot view, FREE PR

allanjenkins @Bryper I noted that if we were looking for a cutting edge place, it wasn’t a level playing field.
kaitswanson @Bryper: Off the grid. I hate off the grid!

LynetteRadio @Bryper how about “overtime without pay, and at the very last minute…and under unrealistic circumstances?” that would do it for me < ..

skalik @bryper bandwidth and interface

vanhoosear @bryper I’m mad @ myself for not having the guts to say no 2 clients who still want to write a traditional crappy obfuscated press release.

steverhode @bryper “Rightsizing”

cspenn @bryper: with so many people being thought leaders and strategists, no one’s doing any damn WORK.

joec0914 @Bryper Adjectives morphed into nouns. e.g., “Financials”.

GrammarGirl @Bryper My listeners have complained about the words incentivize and impact (to mean affect) and using dialogue and liaise as verbs.

cspenn @bryper: synergy, leverage, strategic, vision, cross-function, take it to the next level, data-driven, decisioning, leading, THOUGHT LEADER.

michaelallison @Bryper I don’t particularly like “ducks in a row.” I’ve heard it numerous times in relation to political campaigns.

masterots @bryper: “offers us a pivotal gateway of connectivity”

tastybit @Bryper it’s not really biz-speak, but I can’t stand when executives say “excedra”.

whatsnext @bryper- take ownership, pursuant to, granular, critical path, disintermediate, paradigm shift, on deck, buy-in, incent, pre-meeting :>)

LynetteRadio @Bryper “realignment / bandwidth / synergy / status meeting” basically any phrase that comes from middle-mgt brainless drones

masterots @bryper: “Value-add”

audio @bryper I FKN hate “synergy” especially when fingers of both hands are clasped together when said.. grrrrr

allanjenkins @Bryper Once had a guy ask “That’s a stretch target for me. Is there low hanging fruit closer?” We were deciding where to meet for lunch.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s breakfast time, — I’m off to use my innovative, world-class, solution-oriented … toaster.

5 Responses

Joe Cascio
09|Nov|2007 1

@TastyBit WORD!

Also, “We’re going to take a different tact.” It’s TACK, people, TACK!!!
Clay Newton
09|Nov|2007 2

Another thing I can’t stand: military and sports analogies.

“On point” being one of the worst.
Erica G
09|Nov|2007 3

I don’t think it actually does *work* really. It works in the sense of creating an overal aura of vague professionalish competence, which if it’s all you’ve really got going for you, adds a nice glowy sheen to your otherwise unimpressive offerings. But if you actually want people to understand what you’re communicating, it doesn’t work at all, and I imagine a lot of marketers honestly don’t *know* this. They haven’t been forced to try something else, and it *looks* like these crazy words are working, because they haven’t failed (yet). It’s sort of like a very low-level passive success. These words get used out of inertia, more than because anyone actually tested them and found they’re the words that get results.

Of course, that’s all me talking out of my ass
Bernie Goldbach
10|Nov|2007 4

In parts of Europe, some people extend the usage of “tact” and “tack” and “tactics” to include the term “Tic-Tacs” which is actually a mint.
Pinnacle Trade Show Displays
12|Nov|2007 5

Bryan, great post! I agree with the OVERUSE of the term “bandwidth”… enough already! But I don’t agree on “out of the box”. I think it really sums up an effective form of marketing (to think “outside the box”) since most people really are trapping in thinking of things the way they always have. Unfortunately, I think about 95% of people that claim they are thinking “outside of the box” aren’t). My nomination goes to Microsoft. Check out their homepage - their slogan is “Your potential. Our passion.” huhh? How about “We make software that works” (not) or “For those of you that just want software that works” (not). Well, maybe they should stick with the goobledeegook…