[Company X]’s standardization leadership and innovative solutions empower the quad-play development community with future proof solutions.

Yuck.

I suddenly had the urge to ask the company’s booth rep, “Sorry, what the [bleep] is it that you actually do?” (I didn’t — I decided to be polite.)

I can’t stand marketing gobbledygook like this, in large part because it doesn’t really tell me anything about the business, product, or service.

And yet, this language fills not only trade-show floors, but corporate websites, press releases, and print brochures as well — meaning it that actually still works at some level.

I know you most of you don’t like bloated corporate-speak, either. So why are we still using it?

A few weeks ago, after noting I had given a colleague some good-natured ribbing over her use of the word “bandwith,” I posed the following question to my Twitter pals:

OK, folks, I’m taking all your confessions and gripes on corporate-speak today. Which words/expressions really make you squirm?

Here are the responses:

prblog @bryper – out of the box, strategize, blue sky, 30K foot view, FREE PR

allanjenkins @Bryper I noted that if we were looking for a cutting edge place, it wasn’t a level playing field.
kaitswanson @Bryper: Off the grid. I hate off the grid!

LynetteRadio @Bryper how about “overtime without pay, and at the very last minute…and under unrealistic circumstances?” that would do it for me < ..

skalik @bryper bandwidth and interface

vanhoosear @bryper I’m mad @ myself for not having the guts to say no 2 clients who still want to write a traditional crappy obfuscated press release.

steverhode @bryper “Rightsizing”

cspenn @bryper: with so many people being thought leaders and strategists, no one’s doing any damn WORK.

joec0914 @Bryper Adjectives morphed into nouns. e.g., “Financials”.

GrammarGirl @Bryper My listeners have complained about the words incentivize and impact (to mean affect) and using dialogue and liaise as verbs.

cspenn @bryper: synergy, leverage, strategic, vision, cross-function, take it to the next level, data-driven, decisioning, leading, THOUGHT LEADER.

michaelallison @Bryper I don’t particularly like “ducks in a row.” I’ve heard it numerous times in relation to political campaigns.

masterots @bryper: “offers us a pivotal gateway of connectivity”

tastybit @Bryper it’s not really biz-speak, but I can’t stand when executives say “excedra”.

whatsnext @bryper- take ownership, pursuant to, granular, critical path, disintermediate, paradigm shift, on deck, buy-in, incent, pre-meeting :>)

LynetteRadio @Bryper “realignment / bandwidth / synergy / status meeting” basically any phrase that comes from middle-mgt brainless drones

masterots @bryper: “Value-add”

audio @bryper I FKN hate “synergy” especially when fingers of both hands are clasped together when said.. grrrrr

allanjenkins @Bryper Once had a guy ask “That’s a stretch target for me. Is there low hanging fruit closer?” We were deciding where to meet for lunch.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s breakfast time, — I’m off to use my innovative, world-class, solution-oriented … toaster.

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And here’s the thing: The pitch wasn’t very good.

For starters, we are addressed as “Hi Corporate” — you can’t get much sloppier than that. (I can hear Scott Monty telling me now, “Don’t read another word!”)

Next, the PR pro — who works at an agency that sponsored PodCamp Boston last year and should know better — makes zero effort to personalize her message. No mention of what we do at Monster. No attempt to find a match between the event she’s pitching and our career advice site or the Monster Blog, neither of which she bothered to research.

Finally, no links of any kind for me to check out her client’s event and associated product online.

Clearly, a disastrous pitch and one I should be forwarding to Kevin Dugan at the Bad Pitch Blog, right?

And yet, what we’re being pitched is intriguing. It’s funny. It’s a perfect fit for our blog, and potentially for our discussion forums as well. I simply wouldn’t be doing my job if ignored the message.

This post isn’t meant to justify lazy, brainless pitches. There are still best practices that should be followed, and I’ve written and podcasted about them in the past. But occasionally, someone can go about pitching all wrong and still win us over. It happens.

So to answer my own headline question: No, I’m not selling out. I’m being practical.

Technorati Tags: bad pitch, good pitch, Bad Pitch Blog

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Hosted by Bryan Person and Mike Bellina.

Subscribe to the New Comm Road podcast. It’s free, and it ensures you won’t miss a single episode! Find us in the iTunes store or paste this feed into iTunes or your podcatching software of choice: http://feeds.feedburner.com/NewCommRoad

IN TODAY’S SHOW:

• Show introduction from Christopher Penn of the Financial Aid Podcast
• Voice man Lee Hopkins
• Requests to subscribe to the show in iTunes and to leave us audio feedback on our comment line (number below)
• Audio comment from Mitch Joel
• Bryan’s exciting news!
• A recap of Bryan’s experience in Second Life
• Conversation with Bryan and Mike – how not to pitch a blogger/podcaster.
  • A poor e-mail pitch from Chad
  • Some suggestions on the right way to make that pitch
• Reminder that PodCamp Boston will be held on September 9-10
• Show close

MUSIC:

• From GarageBand.com: Still Holding On, by Rantings of Eva

YOUR FEEDBACK:

• Leave your text and audio comments below this post
• Send us audio files or text e-mails to comments-AT-NewCommRoad.com
• Call us on our comment line: (206) 202-3996

Technorati tags: NewCommRoad, Bryan Person, Mike Bellina, Rantings of Eva, Mitch Joel, Second Life, PodCamp Boston, PodCamp, Financial Aid Podcast, Christopher Penn, Lee Hopkins.

LISTEN:

Running time: 29 minutes, 15 seconds.

Direct download this episode, or listen using the player below!

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Hi,

My name is Chad and I wanted to drop you a line and let you know I really enjoy your podcast.

I am starting a new website to try to help people find new podcasts and help podcasters get bigger audiences.

The site is called [removed]

I thought I’d start getting the word out about it by emailing the podcasts I listen to regularly. Check it out and feel free to add your show if it’s not already on there. If you want to tell your listeners about the site so they can
review your site and others it will help us market podcasts and get the word out even more!

Take care,

Chad

A canned, impersonal message like this one is just about the worst way to pitch a podcaster. Here’s where Chad went wrong:

• He never addressed me or my co-host Mike Bellina by name in the message
• He never mentions my specific podcast
• He says he “really enjoy[s my] podcast,” yet doesn’t say why.
• He asks me to add my show to the site “if it’s not already on there.” If this were a personal message, Chad would have taken the time to check his own site to verify that my show isn’t already listed, and then would have made a note of that to me.

There was no personal touch from Chad in his initial message (nor in his subequent reply to my reply) that showed any indication that he has ever listened to New Comm Road, let alone that he truly enjoys it.

Most podcasters tend to be open to learning about new ways to promote their shows. Heck, there isn’t a podcaster around who doesn’t want more listeners (I know I do!). But if you want to engage us, you have to take some time to find out what our podcasts are about.

Here are some easy ways to endear yourself to a podcaster:

• Leave a comment about a particular show on the podcast blog. At the minimum, offer a suggestion for the show or note a part of the program that you enjoyed or found particularly compelling. When you leave a comment, you can also drop in your URL after your name, and I’ll likely visit your site. You’ve made time for me, so I’ll do the same in return
• Leave a trackback to the podcast blog where you continue the conversation
• Leave an audio comment!
• Send me a personal e-mail with your honest thoughts about the podcast

Send me an impersonal pitch and you have no chance, but show a genuine interest in my podcast and the conversation I’m having, and I’m willing to listen.

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